Recovery is lonely. I’m not alone, but the sheer exhaustion as my body heals itself makes me a poor conversationalist. Multiple times over the last few days John and I have tried to talk about Christmas gifts for our family, and each time I get about 5 minutes of good thought and then my brain turns to mush and I have to stop.

So far, I’ve watched two seasons of Game of Thrones, a couple movies, and a couple of other shows. I’ve bought the tablet version of my favorite teenage game Heroes of Might and Magic. I’ve scoured every post on Facebook hoping for some sort of interaction and then hate the fact that I’ve spent so much of my time there. The rest of the time I’m eating or sleeping.

I’m starting to get really sore from lying on the couch and lying in bed. I also think I’m getting a small cold. A headache that started this morning, which John pointed out could also be caffeine withdrawal, has not gone away. I don’t think I can take advil yet, so I’m waiting for John to get back from shopping with the Extra Strength Tylenol, which usually does nothing for me anyway.

I’m also battling some pretty fierce heartburn which is not helping at all. When I get heartburn, nothing helps, except for time. It comes on suddenly like someone has stabbed me in the back, and then continues for minutes to hours with the feeling that someone is now twisting and turning that knife. Antacids don’t help. Zantac doesn’t touch it. Milk and other base or neutral foods only help for a mere minute or two. Then, it will suddenly be gone. I fear that the only way to find out what’s really going on is going to involve a trip to Urgent Care or the ER so that scopes can be done during the episodes and not weeks after it has stopped, as is usually the case. It’s pretty awful. I’d rather be crowning without an epidural than have to deal with the sharp, unrelenting pain.

I want to get back to work, but don’t have the ability to do large stretches of time yet. I am excited to do adult-type things again. Hell, I cannot wait for a good glass of wine or a beer. I could probably have one now, but I feel off enough to continue to abstain.

The girls are looking good, but now the bruises are starting to form (this is totally normal). So my breasts are currently a yellowish-purple that leaves me feeling like an unwitting Vikings fan.

I’m realizing today how many of my clothes will not fit. I’m hoping that some of them are not too large in the chest, because I’d hate to lose the ability to wear them entirely.

I’m also realizing how much weight I need to lose. My stomach sticks out past my breasts for the first time I can remember. I look pregnant and am looking forward to getting into an exercise routine once cleared to do so.

Anyway, I suppose this was just one big rambling rant. Every day is getting better and I’m just in that place where mentally, I need normalcy, but I am not physically ready for it yet. We’re getting there.

I had a nice relaxing night last night. I finally got my fitbit charged and back on and set some silent alarms for pain meds. Being in control of that really helped, versus waking up wondering if it was time yet and whether or not John would sleep through his alarm.

It went so well that I’m pulling back on the meds today. I’m currently at the 5 hour mark and just now thinking about taking one. Mostly because I’ve been pretty active in the last hour.

After yesterday’s blood pressure drop when taking off the bandages, I was a bit apprehensive about trying to unwrap and shower again, but we took it slowly and ended up with a success. This time, we unwrapped the bandage while watching World’s End, to give plenty of time for blood pressure changes as the pressure on my incisions changed.

John helped me into the shower and I was really surprised about the lack of pain with the water running over everything. The water felt amazing, and I mostly just stood there, letting it run over me. I wasn’t quite ready to try washing my hair, so we’ll try that another time, but it’s really amazing what a nice shower can do after spending a lot of time in bed.

I’m supposed to wear the ace bandage over plain shirts for the next week or two (see image above). I bet I’m going to be wearing a lot of sweaters too, especially once I go back to work.

I’m feeling a lot better about the size thing today. It’s such a huge difference I think I was just a little shocked. I’ve taken a few pictures of myself and the pictures definitely look different from the view above. I’m very happy about this. It was the right decision. I can already feel my shoulders relaxing into a position they haven’t been in for a long time. I am looking forward to that first shopping trip. I am looking forward to tank tops with a built-in bra. I am looking forward to never having to order a bra off the internet again.

Oh! One more positive thing. Some women can lose quite a bit of sensation in their nipples after a reduction. So far, I seem to have avoided that. Hopefully everything continues healing well.

I’m orry this blog is a bit disjointed today. There’s so much going on. After all the activity this morning I’m going to have to take it easy. I can feel myself getting really tired. Time for lunch and a nap.

It’s the second day since surgery and the day I can officially unwrap the bandages and shower.

My Mom came over to help today as Corvus had a fever yesterday afternoon and couldn’t go to daycare today. Of course, he hasn’t had a fever since yesterday afternoon, the little shit. So, he’s energetic and keeping daddy on his toes.

Mom brought breakfast, coffee, and lunch. After eating we went downstairs for the unveiling. I do have to admit, I’m a lot smaller than I was expecting. I hate to sit here and say I’m disappointed, because that’s not it. It’s a weird feeling. I’ve always had large breasts, and I’m feeling so small right now. However, I know these feelings will pass. I mean, they’re freaking gorgeous. The surgeon did an excellent job.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a lot of time to inspect because I had a wave of dizziness wash over me suddenly that lasted a good 5 minutes or so it felt. All plans for a shower were cancelled and John and mom got me back to the couch to rest. Unwrapping the bandage caused a drop in blood pressure, which is not uncommon I guess. We’ll try again tomorrow for the shower. In the meantime, I’m back on the couch and resting. I haven’t had a drop in BP like that since Corvus was born. It’s an awful feeling, and I’m just glad I had a lot of support here to get me through it.

There’s not much to report today except that I’m tired and sore. I accidentally missed my 4-hour mark for taking the pain med this morning and ended up in a bit of pain because of it. At the next dose, we upped it to 1.5 tabs (I can take up to two), and that made me dizzy. It did help get the pain back under control, though. Now we’re back to every 4 hours, but only one pill. I don’t really like taking pain meds, and I especially didn’t like how I felt on 1.5 tablets. Hopefully tomorrow we’ll be able to try weaning off them again. The surgeon did say I’d likely only need them for a couple of days.

I had an odd moment today when I looked down at my chest and wondered if they’d made me too small. It seems silly, but having been so large chested for so long, it’s a huge difference. I can see my stomach without bending over. I haven’t done that in almost 20 years.

Been catching up on Game of Thrones, watching movies, and secretly reading work emails. I really should stop that last one and just enjoy this time without obligation. But I’m a workaholic, so wish me luck with that.

Big updates coming tomorrow as we get to take off the bandages. I’m anxious to see how everything looks.

I cannot tell you how glad I am that we made the decision to get a hotel room in Plymouth last night. It may not have snowed as much as they were expecting, but the ability to get up at 5:45 instead of 3:30 or 4am was so nice. We rolled out of bed, and headed across the street at about 6:15. The hospital was so close, if it had been nicer out, we could have walked.

After registration, we were brought back to a room where I got my IV placed and everyone came in to discuss what was going to happen. My anesthesiologist reminded me of Captain Jack Harkness. Really freaking cute. I teased John a little bit about that one. I was getting nervous and humor is usually how I deal with those things. 

Just before 7:30, Dr. Witzke came in and placed some markings on my breasts I should have had John take a picture. I just barely got a look, but they were pretty interesting.

Then we walked back to surgery. I’ve never had general anesthesia before and the feeling as it washes through your body was the strangest thing. It was kind of liked Progressive Muscle Relaxation, but forced. I felt my body get heavy starting at my feet and working its way up to my head. I knew that as soon as it washed over my head I’d be out. And I was.

I woke up feeling like I had just taken a deep sleep and hadn’t quite finished the sleep cycle. At least, that was the moment of wake up that I remember. It took about an hour.

The pain has been manageable. It was a bit uncomfortable at first, and then we started in on the pain meds. Whatever they are giving me is not making me feel loopy, but is also taking care of the pain really well. I can still feel it, but it’s well within reason.

I was really surprised at how hungry I’ve been. I sipped on a diet coke in the recovery room, had coffee and a club sandwich from JoJo’s Rise and Wine when we got home, and even had some leftover turkey and stuffing for dinner.

John is waiting on me hand and foot. I think I’m getting off easy. I’ve watched two episodes of Game of Thrones and expect to catch up over the next week. I get to see the results on Thursday, as I’m wrapped in an ace bandage until then.

The workaholic in me is having a hard time not checking emails. I feel so good, I have to keep reminding myself that I need to take it easy. In fact, this blog is far longer than I had anticipated and should probably stop for now.

I’ll write more over the next few days.